Hope

I love the Christmas season. I love the smell of pine, the chill in the air, the good food, the merry gatherings, and the music all around. The songs range from reindeer on the rooftops to declarations of the glory of God, and in that space, there is a story. Whether we long for Santa or God (or both), our hearts ache for someone or something greater than ourselves; a story of grandeur.

When we hope, we are longing for that which we do not have; we are reaching for something that is beyond us. We dream of a life that we want, yet sometimes that life is out of our grasps in our current state; but that dream, that hope, can fill us with such passion and drive that the life we desire will not be out of reach for long. We all have something to hope for, because we are all in need. We are in need of kindness, love, peace, and a better world.

Where there is a need, there is a need for hope.

We should always be challenging ourselves to grow, and pursue that which makes us come alive. The hope of the world, is that people will come alive and bring the healing that the world needs.

Hope is the campaign slogan that won Barak Obama his first term as president. He spoke to the very core of all of us as he laid out a vision of a country that can change the trajectory of this world. He called us to become the people that we dream we can be, and embrace our role in the future of our world.

Lou Holtz says that for someone to life a fulfilling life they need to have something to do, someone to love, something to believe in, and something to look forward to. In other words, we need a purpose, and hope is a pillar of that purpose.

Hope has always been a guiding force in my life. I have had to remind myself time and time again that we are not at the end, and that no matter how many times I fail; there is always a chance to make things right and try again. This expectation becomes even more important as I get older. If I believe that my best chance to accomplish something great is behind me, then dreams lose their power to inspire and purpose fades; the moments, days, and years ahead seem meaningless. On the other hand, when you believe that your chance for impact and accomplishment is ever before you; purpose and inspiration will abound all around.

When hope thrives, the future is bright.

While I was looking back through one of my journals today, I was reminded of my fundamentals in life. The words I saw on those pages were written over the past three years. The themes I saw were love, faith, creativity, perseverance, and hope. There were many struggles and disappointments on pages, but they were met with words of hope and strength; the words I have written in the past were speaking to me in the present.

Each day is a building block in the tower of who we are, and if the days are the structure; then our decisions are the mortar that hold the building together. We choose hopelessness or hopefulness constantly throughout our days, we can see the cup half empty or we can see the chance to fill the cup.

Hope is a fundamental of life; do not lose it, and if it is fading; seek it fiercely.

The Upside of Being Down

“You Change Your Valley Into A Peak When You Find And Use The Good That Is Hidden In The Bad Time.”

– Spencer Johnson

The following post has been written over the course of the past week, and is a journey through understanding and responding to sadness. It transforms and grows as you read through it, and my hope as always is that it connects with each person who reads it

I have felt downhearted more times in the past few years than I can recall. Some of the loneliest and saddest times have peaked as well. Be it a form of depression, feeling meaningless, or just feeling unimportant and ineffective; Today though, I find myself in a space of reflection and insight. While currently in the middle of this struggle, hope is also present.

This post is not intended to discourage, on the contrary, the intent is to encourage through transparency. Being transparent with our struggles is the only way to have a meaningful conversation about the inner workings of our heart, the feelings we experience, and the impact it has on our life. Therefore, I will be as honest as I can with the state I am in, in the hopes that it connects and empowers you the reader as I seek to connect and seek empowerment as well.

The theme of this article will be about the effects of sadness, and the power it has to teach us. At the core, sadness may be the greatest indicator of our purpose. You cannot be sad without trying to identify the source of it, because we desire joy and peace; and once you find the source, you find a choice. A response is needed: do we just lay down and accept that things just are what they are, or rise up and choose to do the work that must be done to climb out of the muck and the mire.

Sadness is necessary to move forward. In Disney’s movie Inside Out there is a scene where the character Sadness has to step in and help another character (Bing Bong) come to grips with the change that has taken place in his life.

Sadness-with-Bing-Bong

He cannot go on, and the character Joy has done everything in her power to help cheer him up. Sadness steps in, and instead of trying to cheer him up; she simply sits with him and acknowledges that his sadness is justified. In this simple act, she helps him accept that what has happened as the past, and she helps him get through the feeling of giving up in a way that the character Joy could not. He finds a new strength at this point of the movie. He finds the ability to move on, and team with Joy once again.

Sadness has it’s place in our life, and it has an important role in our growth and our purpose.

A common theme and open struggle that I’ve shared in previous blog posts, is my current inability to be comfortable being alone. I have come to understand that this longing for constant community comes from deep inside of me. I grew up as what I thought what was an introvert, and it turned out that I was actually just a shy extrovert; so the feeling of being torn when alone has been in my life since my adolescent days. I developed a habit of wanting to be involved, but being too scared to step out and join. I eventually became more comfortable with stepping out, but the habit of longing for more connection and involvement has stuck around. So there are times I find myself in a state of sadness because I feel disconnected, but I can see sadness as a teacher.

Here are five things sadness has taught me:

1. Aloneness is a part of life; so there must be a level of acceptance in those times. There are opportunities to grow in knowledge, strength, or creativity. Whether it is reading, writing, playing guitar, exercising, or being still; all of these activities are beneficial for me and ignite hope within me. I have written about loneliness and solitude in previous posts.

2. Sadness is a window into the soul. If you want to know what you desire, be attentive to your feelings. Just as energy and excitement in a station let’s you know you like what’s happening, sadness shows you what you need.

3. Take the time to grieve an unfortunate situation. There is a time for sadness, and we do need to acknowledge when a situation arises in life that brings heartache. Whether it is the death of a loved one, a personal injury, a missed opportunity, a feeling of failure, or the state of our nation; take the time to process that feeling inside.

4. Do something about it. If feeling disconnected from community, put forth the effort to connect. If grieving a death, remember that life and ask what they would have you do in this time. If you don’t like the state of our nation or environment, take baby steps toward making a difference. Do not let hopelessness take over.

5. Sadness calls us to be intentional, and that is why I choose to write about it today. “If you fail to plan, you plan to fail” is a quote that holds a lot of truth. We can blaze a path through this life, we can even choose which path to follow; but if we are unintentional about our decisions, we forfeit ownership of the direction of our life.

I have learned so much while writing this article over the past week. I started in a state of despondency, hoping for insight to move toward meaning; and today, I find myself hopeful. There is a fine line between heartache and hopelessness, and we must recognize the difference, because there is always hope. I thank you for reading this article, and that it brings hope if you are in need; or in the very least, it will challenge you give sadness it’s place when it comes to you.

 

Blog Swap with The Last Day of Regret

Today’s post is an interview with my long time friend Matt Jo Diaz, author of The Last Day of Regret blog and soon to be book. Thoughtful, compassionate, passionate, driven, and wise are words that I would use to describe him; we have had big laughs, deep talks, and life forming experiences together. His joy is contagious, and his heart is big.

In The Last Day of Regret, Matt Jo gives insight into everything from scripture and spirituality to movie reviews, to the very art of becoming a writing itself. We wanted to promote each others blogs, as well as give insight to the person behind the keyboard. So without further ado, here is an interview with Mat Jo Diaz.

Brian: Give us your current life stage as of today?

Matt Jo: I’m in my sixth year of teaching a high school New Testament epistles class at Northwest Christian school.  I also get to teach an Intro to Graphic Design class as well. I’ve been married to my wife Katie for nine years and we have four wonderful children ranging from twelve to two.  My hobbies include endgame survival practice during the hottest months of the summer here in Phoenix. This week it has finally cooled off with the rain which is a nice break from the triple digit temperatures.  Seriously though, my hobby other than writing is traveling. The school I work at has provided me many opportunities to go to new places, one of which is Cambodia where I will lead a team of fifteen student in June of 2019, it will be my third time there.

 

Brian: What is your earliest memory of me?

Matt Jo: What can I say about Brian Grayum that has not already been said about…(Playa Hater’s Ball throw back)?  It was the summer before my freshman year in High School and we were at a Christ In Youth conference at Point Loma University in San Diego.  Brian was one of the good ol’ boys of the graduating seniors. He was among the heroes of old, Kelsey Drayton and Michael Garrison being two other people I remember cracking jokes on the beach.  My timeline could be totally off.

 

Brian: When did you start your blog?

Matt Jo:  I started and stopped a blog three times, this one being my third attempt.  My first one was right after the death of my sister in January of 2014. I put a lot of pressure on myself to create something that was way too thought out and a reflection of my broken soul that I got six weeks in and stopped writing.  I had this idea of talking about life as a journey and got caught up in this analogy that I eventually realized was super repetitive. However, I kept it and it’s still viewable through blogspot.com. It’s in the archive section on my current sight.  I didn’t write anything again until I returned from my second trip to Cambodia in July of 2017. I wanted to capture my experience there and teach about the history and culture of the Khmer people. I think I only wanted to write the five segments that are there but hoped it would spark more thoughts.  I left it there in adobe spark and placed in the same archive tab. This most current blog, the last day of regret, was set up in June of this year and I’m writing more than I ever have, still trying to find my niche, but getting there.

 

Brian: Why did you start your blog?

Matt Jo:  I started my current website, that features a blog called thelastdayofregret.com through wordpress.com on the advice from a friend.  I was at the tail end of finishing the manuscript of my first book and wanted advice about self-publishing. I was told starting a website and a blog were essential to start creating connections online to market the book.  So, my end goal, is that I will write this blog in preparation for the launch of my book which won’t happen until probably next May…fingers crossed. I have a completed manuscript that is just now being edited. It is painstakingly slow.  However, I have started to refine my writing, finding my voice and telling a story that is true, painful, but completely transparent.

 

Brian:  Has your blog changed in terms of writing style or purpose?

Matt Jo:  My first two posts were specifically about my book.  It took me a while to realize I just needed to write about whatever until I figured out what my place in the blog world is.  I still haven’t found where it should fit but, I’m just trying to write as much as possible so that people can go back and see what my style and interests have been.  As a first-time author, I want my audience to have some context to who I am as they read the book. I’ve decided I’m going to hit on movies I like, things in the Christian culture I think need to be critiqued and bible teaching snippets since that is what I do for a living.  I have a lot of former students after ten years in ministry and five years of teaching that I think I can still connect with. They might remember me as Matt Jo, or more recently Mr. Diaz and if they see me as just a guy still trying to speak truth into their life than I think that is a worthwhile endeavor.

 

Brian:  When has been the best times for you to write, either day or season of life?

Matt Jo:  The best times to write have been when I have something to write about.  Sounds obvious but if there is nothing to write about than I start forcing words that don’t really make sense.  That’s why I wanted to do this blog swap, to help me write. Process my own goals and decide if I need to rearrange them.  For now, I think I have time for two a month which isn’t a lot, but it’s something. I need to start promoting before I post, of when the next post will come.  It’s a marketing strategy that will hopefully gain interest before it happens. I hope this interview with you will accomplish that for the both of us.

 

Brian:  What do you find yourself writing about the most?

Matt Jo:  I think I had mentioned earlier that I went from talking about life as a journey, to social justice and now onto the art of writing itself.  My selected categories are culture, both secular and Christian, and theology. My most recent post that was a satire piece on the song Prodigal by Sidewalk Prophets got the most views, so I think comedy is a topic I need to include more.  As we have learned from Jon Acuff or more recently Jon Crist, there is a place in the Christian community to laugh at ourselves. Really though, it is about connections and I think that is what my book will hit on the most. Can you find your own brokeness inside the story of my brokenness?  Maybe some feelings you have can surface and you can deal with those bottled up emotions.

 

Brian:  What is your favorite post?

Matt Jo:  My favorite post is in two categories.  One is my favorite title and then the other is based on the content.  My favorite title was “Memoirs of a Guy…” (https://thelastdayofregret.com/2018/06/13/memoirs-of-a-guy-bad-movie-pun/) A play on words off the book and movie Memoirs of a Geisha…a terrible dad pun.  It’s a short post asking a question, “Who is my audience?”  I’m still trying to find that answer, but the more I write I know that will be fleshed out.

My favorite post by content was on my first blog I started called “A Path Obscured.”  The title of the post is, The Spirits Path (https://thelastdayofregret.com/a-path-obscured/).  It’s a post about how I see the Holy Spirit working in my life.  I’ll share a quote that sums in all up. “More often than not, when faced with obscurity, to stop and go nowhere prevents the Spirit from taking you to a place that is somewhere.  Sometimes the point of the path being unclear is to test if you trust enough to travel only with one step in front of you” (2/20/2014). I still find this true 4 ½ years later, life is revealed one moment at a time, I think it’s all I can handle.  I know we want to know the future, but I’ve learned to trust that God has a reason for us not seeing the future. I don’t think we would be able to handle the pain of life and so God asks us to trust him in each moment.

 

Brian:  What is one thing you desire people to experience when reading your blog?

Matt Jo:  I want them to either think, “I agree it makes sense,” or “I disagree and let me leave a comment to exchange in dialogue.”  It helps my writing if someone critiques it. It is feedback that allows me to refine or restate what I intended or stand by it.  If you agree, I hope you are encouraged, inspired or empowered. If you disagree, I hope you are encouraged, inspired or empowered.  It can happen either way. Agreeing with everyone isn’t possible, but learning what other people think and believe is.

 

Brian:  What are your dreams for the future of writing?

Matt Jo:  It has been on my bucket list to write a book, but more specifically to publish a book.  The publishing part is just as long if not longer than the writing. After that, I will either be encouraged to write more or discouraged and focus on the other things I am good at (laughing face emoji here).  Seriously though, the book I’ve titled, “The Last Day of Regret,” is a very transparent story of my relationship with my sister Hannah who passed away in November of 2013. I hope that it validates people who feel imperfect in their relationships, and want to be better friends, family members, parents or spouse.  I also hope that people who have lost a loved one can find a part of themselves in my story here Jesus telling them that the best days of our life are still in the future. Whether in this life or the next, hope for a better tomorrow is what people who grieve need to remind themselves of often.

 

Every good article or story takes on a new morning once you have the context of the person writing it. I find it interesting that both of our blogs began with the death of a family member, I think that says something about the narrative that is taking place inside of all of us; and it also shows the important role that writing can play in our lives. Matt Jo has found a passion and skill in writing, and I hope this interview strikes a note of inspiration.

ThelastDayofRegret.com contains an interview with me if you would like to check that out.

 

 

Lessons from the stars: Comfort and the Necessary

Last night was a good night for stargazing.

Piercing through the ebony background, the stars seemed to appear before my eyes. I just stood there for a while soaking in the grandness of it all, wondering how many people I was sharing that piece of sky with? How many people were at that moment looking up at those stars, and what was going through our minds?

The beauty of stargazing, is that it opens up your world. Stars broaden our perspective, expand our worldview, and open our hearts. I have looked up at the stars in sorrow, I have looked up at the stars in joy; and they will always speak to me. It’s not an audible voice, but a subtle whispering in my soul; something stirs inside me, and I receive insight.

Last night, the stars reminded me that there is a big world out there. I was reminded to stay connected to the world around me. I naturally move towards what is comfortable in life, which is natural for all of us, but I also want to be aware of the necessary.

The necessary is the part of life that requires something from us.

This will intersect with the comfortable parts of life, meaning that what is required is that which we already enjoy. This varies from person to person, but I would describe this as when the need falls in line with our passion and strengths. This may also be comfortable if the person in need is someone you already love dearly, and this love may be the key to unlocking a world of purpose.

The necessary will at times require sacrifice. Not an Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom kind of sacrifice, but that which requires us to dig deep inside and summon courage, forgiveness, and the love. It takes courage to confront someone who has wronged you, and forgiveness must follow. It may require you to give money to a cause at the expense of not buying something for yourself. We may need to ask forgiveness from someone we have hurt, and in turn learn to forgive ourselves.

The necessary may also be something that you need to do for yourself. You may find inspiration to create something, from a painting to a charity. You may find direction in life, or change in the direction of your life. You may be reminded that you are loved.

The necessary requires love, because if can learn to love on a broader scale; we will become more comfortable with the uncomfortable. In love, we are eager to serve, help, and rescue. In love, we can be freed from regret and as stated above, find the key for unlocking our purpose.

The stars speak, if we are willing to listen.

 

Obligation to Opportunity

I had to take a moment to step outside and take a few breaths tonight. Something about the dark sky and bright stars brings me calm, and I needed to be calmed ; though I could not quite figure out why. There has been a lot going on the past few days, but it was good; and if I desire good in my life, then I need to figure how to transition from overwhelmed to energized.

Contentment and resentment can both spring from the same circumstance depending on our mindset, and the words we use describe our current state.

I have used the “stressed” to describe how I feel lately, yet the choice to define my situation as stressful may be the very reason that I feel stressed. The words we use to describe our life hold a level of power in how we respond to and view our situation. By choosing to name my current state as “stressed”, I have now limited my possibilities because I will not want to put any thing else on my plate.

A stressed state is a survival state, a survival state is a reactionary state, and living in a  reactionary state reduces our ability to be intentional about our actions and circumstances.

I am trying to replace the word “stressed” when describing busy times to “full”, after all, who doesn’t want a full life? The subtle change from Stressed to Full changes how I view a busy life. “Stress” adds a negative connotation to our circumstances, can even turn fun times into obligations. “Full”, on the other hand, relates to a life abounding with opportunity.

In summary, transitioning from a “stressed” life to a “full” life; creates opportunities out of obligations. Likewise, embracing a full life will open our eyes to the unending opportunities we have to connect with humanity; as well as encounter our own selves on a deep level.

I was hit with this realization the other day. I had been able to spend a lot of time with one of my daughters (who is a little ball of conversation) over a few day stretch, waking up together to watch the World Cup, hiking together, playing together, hammocking together, etc. I found myself talking with my wife about how The non stop energy from this little girl was starting to get to me. After I spoke those words, I was hit hard on a very deep level, and I had a realization. That complaint was spoke out of selfishness, and a “stressed” mindset. It was at that moment that I realized how lucky I am to have a little human in this life that actually wants to spend all day with me!

This was an amazing opportunity.

Therefore, I will embrace opportunity over obligation. I will seek a full life.

In the Bible, Jesus says ” I have come that you may have life, and have it to the full.” These words have always inspired me, as they remind me that we each have a purpose in this world. We all are surrounded with opportunity that we need to reach out and grab.

Join me in shifting our mindsets from obligation to opportunity; or, if you are already embracing this mindset, continue to pursue your life of impact.

 

 

The Fortunate Ones

I love my wife.

There is no one is this world who knows me as well as she does. That is because there is no one in this world I trust more than her, for we have bared our hearts to one another.

That sounds pretty romantic right?

What that means a lot of the time though, is that she gets to hear me complain more than anyone else in my life. She gets to see me lose my temper more than anyone else in my life. She gets the tears, the fears, the rants, the stresses, the heartaches, the insecurities, and insight to the darkest parts of who I am…oh joy.

“Wow, what a lucky lady!”, you say.

The truth is, true love takes you much deeper than walks on the beach and candle light dinners. When two hearts become entangled with each other, our emotions can be experienced on an exponential level. The hurts cut much deeper, the losses rip you in two, and our words and actions are not given as much thought as when in the presence of others.

I have learned two things in life that are key to contentment and purpose: Mindfulness and selflessness. Mindfulness is the ability to be right here, right now; and experience life as it is happening without constantly setting expectations for each moment. Selflessness, is the ability to see how our decisions affect those around us, and consider the needs of others when considering our own needs. Knowing  this and putting this into action are two different things.

I know that a red light means stop, but what really matters is that I stop. Likewise, understanding mindfulness and selflessness are not as important as putting them into action.

I write this blog today because my wife got to see me lose my temper during a project yesterday, and I pretty much threw a full on fit… 36 year old man style. The impact it had on her floored me, and stopped me in my tracks. I had lost sight of the bigger picture of the present. My wife and I had a day to ourselves to work on a cool house project together. It was a gift to work hard and problem solve together, it was an opportunity to grow closer through accomplishing something together.

If I had put my mindfulness exercises into practice, I would have taken a few seconds each time a tile broke to breathe and realize that this is just part of the project. I could have decided to maximize our experience together by rolling with the imperfections, but I chose to minimize the experience because I became selfish instead of selfless. I chose to gratify my own selfish desire to get angry, clench my fists, and say some choice words. In doing this, I changed the dynamic of our day together. I introduced a darkness and a new stress into our project; and this really hurt my wife.

Love exposes the best and worst of us. Though it is a gift to be transparent with someone, we need to remain mindful and selfless of the time we have together.

I titled this blog “The Fortunate Ones” not because I like CCR (which I do), but because I considered how our friends and acquaintances in our lives usually get to see the best of us…how fortunate. We strive to motivate, inspire, and energize those we interact with to leave our mark on this world; the one’s we love most deserve the same intentionality.

Let us make the choice today to bring not only our whole selves, but the best of us, into the spaces where we love the deepest.

Healing in progress

Two weeks ago, I was about 6 miles into a 20 mile trail run; and I came across this sign: Healing in progress, stay on designated trails. Wow, did that statement ever hit home.

I had been stressed out lately trying to balance life, while pushing towards goal completion. Work demanded a lot from me, our house project demanded a lot from me, my youngest daughter was now entering dress week for her play that she had been working on for the last four months, and my other daughter is entering her pre-teen years (which is a wild ride all of it’s own as a parent). I was trying to stay mindful of my role as father and husband, and oh yeah…I signed up for a 20 mile trail race a couple of months ago.

These are all good things, but spreading yourself thin can set you up for failure if you are not intentional about your commitment to the goal.

If work is demanding a lot from me, then I must be doing something right. The house project is a gift and a privilege in and of itself, but it takes some serious mental grit to keep grinding on it after work and on the weekends.

My daughter has found a true passion for the theater which brings joy to my heart. My other daughter is still searching for something to commit to,  and I would run myself ragged for my kids if it enables them to pursue their dreams.

Being a husband and a father takes commitment and time too. I want my wife to know that she is valued, that she is important enough to me that I am willing to put in the work to develop a strong mind. She is an encourager, a hard worker, and she has mental grit.

I came across this statement from Bear Grylls in the book Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferris (pg. 231)

“Hold tight, focus the effort, dig deeper, and never give up. It isn’t rocket science but it’s hard, as most people, when it gets tough start to look around for an excuse or a different tactic. often, though, when it starts to get tough, all it requires is for you to get tougher and hold on. The magic bit is that when it gets like this, it often means you are near the end goal! One big heave of focus, dedication, and grit, and you often pop out the other end. Look around you, though, and you see that most people are gone – they gave up in that final bit of hurting.”

I write this morning as I near the end goal of this Spring stretch. My daughter’s final performance was last night. We completed a major milestone at work. We are laying floors and installing cabinets in our addition; which means that the end goal is near. I finished my 20 mile race a couple of weeks ago, and left it all on the course. I have been trying to give 100% in all areas of life, and it has not been easy; but it is a challenge that is worth the effort.

Back to the beginning of this blog. Healing in progress, stay on desgnated trails.

The sign I saw on the side of the trail during that race impacted me deeply. It helped propel me to a new level of awareness during that race. I realized that the pain I was feeling, the hours ahead, the sweat on my brow; were all part of something I needed…healing. I embraced that I was doing something I truly loved. I went into that race overwhelmed,  with no real time to train for it (other than eating a lot and drinking beer); but I found myself being renewed.

As the pain in my body increased over the 3.5 hours, and my feet began to throb with each step; I knew I was being refined. I would leave this race stronger, both physically and mentally.  I would be able to go back home and work hard, and I knew that a resilience was being built in me.

 

Of Death and Life

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.”Marcus Tullius Cicero

I was listening to some Harry Belafonte the other day, and this silly song came on about an ugly dad whose kids are ashamed of him because he is ugly (Mamma Look a Boo Boo);  and I started laughing, because it is a song that my dad would have loved. My dad was not ugly, but it was something that he loved to joke about as he got older and lost more teeth; and he loved it when me and my brother would razz him about it.

I had my bro listen to the song when he visited and he loved it (I’m pretty sure my mom would love it too). We started reminiscing about our dad, his life, his death, and his strength leading up to death. Since that visit, I’ve been thinking more about death and how we respond to it.

We are surrounded by people affected death, though we don’t always know it. Most, if not all, who cross our path daily are not too far removed from a loss of some sort; whether it be a family member, a friend, or an acquaintance. Maybe some folks are supporting a friend who has just lost someone.

Personally, I have friends where death has hit so close to home, that it has formed who they are, as well as how they care for others who suffer a loss. There are others in my life who have had to brush up much too close with the looming fear of death, that it has also shaped their framework for life.

Having lost, as well as grieving with others who have lost; I have learned a few insights that I would love to share.

Dealing with it

There is not a specific way we are supposed to deal with death. The important thing is that we deal with it. We must face it and we must accept it…we must let it ruminate in our hearts and our minds. If we try to be overly optimistic, or minimize our lost because it is not as extreme as someone else’s loss; we miss the beauty and importance of the impact it can have in our life, and we can minimize the memory of that person.

Many problems in our life can be fixed, many of our situations can be changed; but death is finite. The defining line that death draws, draws us in to a reflection of life.

Here are some of the ways I dealt:

  • I cried. I let it happen when it needed to happen. If the tears would not come, I would make time to cry. This may sound silly, but it helps.
  • I wrote. My blogging started with my dad’s death. I had to let his passing be known to  as many people who knew him as I could, so I wrote an online eulogy that sparked something inside.
  • I got counseling. There was other stuff going on in my life that moved me in this direction as well, but it opened me up in a way that I didn’t know I needed.

The balance between acceptance and hope

Once you have lost someone to an illness such as cancer, or any rare disease, the reality of our fragility and mortality becomes more apparent. Moving forward, we are more sensitive to the possibility of the worst case scenario; though we need not succumb to it. There is a line that must be walked in face of illness, injury, and unknown; and it runs between acceptance and hope. Acceptance is our ability to see the face value of the potential reality, and hope is optimist that clings to what our hearts desire. If we can float in this space, then the lives around us benefit from it; We learn and we teach at the same time.

Hope helps us make the most of this life, and the time that we have. It allows us to persevere and endure, though all around may be crumbling.

The Response

I was looking up the origin of my last name Grayum, and it all goes back to Graham. It must be the americanized version of the name I guess. The Graham family crest has the house words on it, which are: Ne Oublie, which translated means “Do not forget.”

Therefore, I do not forget. I remember and respond; and I allow the memory of this man to feed my life moving forward.

Wherever you are in you journey, do not forget those that have gone before us. Be with those who are here now. Remember… in all things, there is always hope.